B.A.A. Distance Medley

I often imagine the shiny new person I can become if I follow all the right steps.  I will eat only organic whole foods.  I will make all our food from scratch.  I will stop drinking alcohol and eating sweets and desserts.  I will run everyday and keep getting faster and faster.  My house will be completely organized and the laundry won't make my bed look like a mountain.  Many of these things will never happen or at least not all at once.  However I am taking small steps to claim my spot as a runner.  I signed up for the B.A.A. Distance Medley.  This include a 5K April 19th, a 10K June 22nd and the B.A.A. half marathon on October 12th. 

The B.A.A. half marathon last year was the first race I ran to specifically raise money in honor of my Mom.  Ian and Mom were on the street cheering for me half way through the race.  I saw mom all bundled up against the cold and smiling.  I gave her a Boston Strong bracelet and we both cried.  As I rounded the corner and started on the uphill half of the race I had trouble catching my breath because I knew she did not have much time left.  My mother passed away from cancer on October 31st 2013 about two and a half weeks after I finished that half marathon. 

I thought that I would be able to keep up with my running after Mom died, but it turns out that grief is an extremely exhausting process.  I am so tired I can't get up at 5am like I used to.  Alcohol is an enticing friend at the end of a long day.  A glass of wine can easily turn into a bottle or two for me.  I know that in my life I need to stop drinking.  Running is the way I know to do that.  I sign up for a race that means something to me and I stop drinking.  I have made the stakes higher this time.  I will not drink alcohol again until I break 2:00 in the half marathon.  This is easy for a lot of runners, but not me.  I am developing my routine and I can cover distances, but I am slow.  My training depends on no drinking.  I sleep better and I recover better.  I need this now more than ever.  I have limped along running once or twice a week.  Now that will all change. 

The next finish line

I've been running a lot lately.  I get up early and eat something simple, hot kashi with raisins and chia seeds, a banana, then I put on the running clothes which now include warm leggings and compression socks, a hat, gloves and sweatbands, then I put on my shoes and if I get that far I know I'll run at least three miles sometimes four if it's a weekend I might go ten to thirteen.  The running has become an important habit in my life now.  I can't go two days without it affecting me negatively.  I'm not that fast yet but I want to keep doing it and see how fast I can get.  I've run two half marathons this year.  The first one was The Big Lake Half (2:11:46) on Mother's Day weekend, the second was the Baystate Half Marathon (2:04:40) Oct. 21st.  When I line up to start I know it will be a long hard run but it won't be as bad as what my mom is going through.  So I have another finish line in mind, Boston 2013.

Sometimes I Get Really Frustrated

I'm hoping to find a magical fountain of mommy patience somewhere. There are times when my girls start to wear on me. Wear me out, drive me crazy, and I hate to get angry because then it solves no problems. They make me angry though. Like this afternoon they both want to go out on the swing set as soon as we get home from the library. They don't let me put my things down they have to go right away in fancy dresses on a rainy day. Then they get out there and start fighting over the rope handle they both want to spin with. My turn, no my turn, pushing shoving and someone gets their eye grabbed and scratched, the other one gets pushed. Now I'm not eating my nice banana snack and drinking my seltzer I'm yelling at them to go inside. So we go inside and they are both screaming and crying loudly so it doesn't really help if I join in. I'm working on some strategies to help, like posting here more often. I'm also going to try 1-2-3-Magic and I'm hoping it works because I don't like being at the end of my rope.

I Loved Everything You Made Tonight Mama

This is the first time in the four and a half years I've been cooking for my daughter that I got actual praise for the dinner I made. Of course as a mom our jobs include all of the drudgery of servitude but it's nice to be rewarded with the enthusiastic compliments of a picky eater. I served alphabet soup and James Beard Popovers. She loved all of the letters in her soup and she even said, 'I love all the carrots in here.' The popovers were the best I've ever made and they will be repeated often. All in all it was a good evening. The areas that still need improvement include bedtime and whining.

My Best Friend's Wedding

I'm thirty-five with two kids and I finally get to be a bridesmaid. I'm not going to say a bridesmatron because that just doesn't sound right, it's not my fault she waited until I was old and married to go and get herself married up. I am planning a scrumptious bridal shower at the beautiful Tower Hill Botanic Garden. This little job is proving to be quite exciting. I loved seeing Bridesmaids last week and I'm dying to get a big heart shaped cookie with her and her fiances names on it and rolling around on the ground kicking it. My best friend is a meticulous perfectionist and I'm a home ec flunky. With the help of all the other bridesmaids we should be able to get something lovely accomplished.

Lyra finishes up her first year at preschool the end of this month. She has been doing a fabulous job on her hair lately. She doesn't like to brush it, but she will pull it back into a pony tail and add purple and pink hair extensions. I always enjoyed expressing myself through my hairstyles and I'm glad she's carrying on that tradition. Manic Panic purple wouldn't fit in with my current mommy set. That would look more like a Manic Panic Melt Down at my age. But it looks good on my 4 year old. Also we've been singing the songs that she performed for Family Night at home lately and she is doing a great job teaching the whole family these really cute songs. I'm proud of my beautiful little girl who is starting to grow up in front of my eyes.

You're not doing anything wrong

This title came from a discussion I was having with my friend who cleans our house about toddler birthday parties. She was telling me how she was helping out a friend who is a single mom with her little ones bday party and it just felt like chaos and her friend asked her, "What am I doing wrong?" To which she replied "You're not doing anything wrong." This is what I have to keep reminding myself as I slog through these early years with two girls twenty months apart. And it has been bringing up some great titles for the memoir I'll write someday. "What were we thinking" "You're not doing anything wrong, it's just that age" "What happened to my brain" and "Mommyhood Bites".

I've also been coming up with analogies to describe to people what I'm going through as a stay at home mom. I feel like I'm climbing up an escalator that's going down, and I never get to the top. Sometimes the damn thing shoots me off the bottom and I have to get up and try again and again and again. The first few months home with the girls I kept telling friends I felt like I was trying to learn how to juggle cats. Everyone kept saying, "That's impossible." And I'm thinking, "Now you know how I feel." Of course the most obvious analogy is Atlas the guy holding the world on his shoulders. Yes we have undertaken a whole new world of responsibility here raising two babies. We have also undertaken the responsibility of taking our birth control very seriously. There will be no more security breaches for this family. Treading Quicksand. Just to name a few.

Micheal Jackson I'll Miss You

I'm so sad that Micheal Jackson passed away. He was an icon of our era and his music was the soundtrack in so many places I remember. He was also an unapologetic supporter of bed sharing. I only really appreciate this as a mother. I share my bed with my husband and both of our children. I love having my family so close. I think Micheal was an adult who loved kids in a very innocent way. When he talks about bed sharing in the interviews I understand exactly what he is saying. It is a wonderful thing to be close to children, it's sad that our society thinks sex when we talk about shared sleep. I support bed sharing and I'll miss Micheal Jackson.

My Little Pumpin

"Pumpin" We had so much fun with Halloween this year L dressed up as a pumpkin and whenever we asked her what she was she said "Pumpin." Her favorite book for Halloween is called Pumpkin Eye and she always asks to read "Pumpin Eye." She also likes to read Big Joe's Trailer Truck and asks for "Big Joe Truck." If I have something she wants and she really wants it she says "Need it" over and over until I break down and give it to her or put it away. She's eaten a lot of chocolate this way.

She also tells mommy and daddy who to hold. "Willow take Mommy Lyra take Daddy." That means mommy holds Willow and Daddy holds Lyra or vice versa.

The Cutest Quotes

L is starting to talk up a storm now. Her two year old vocabulary is growing by the day and she has some really cute phrases that only those closest to her can understand. They are so cute they are worth recording. Whenever she sees something she wants but can't reach she says, "Pick it." Then you have to talk to her about which thing it is she wants to pick. After going to the park yesterday we got home to have hot cocoa and she said "hot tok to." She also can't pronounce the "s" at the beginning of all her words making her favorite item the "tep tool" hard to understand. I still forget she's talking about the Step Stool. There are more, I'll write them in when I get a chance/remember.

Obama/Biden '08

I watched the two debates. I prefered the vice presidential debate to the presidential debate. The candidates for president seem to be hiding their real selves behind safe talking points that allow them to connect with their constituents. After seeing the Biden Palin Debate I would like the opportunity to vote for Joe Biden for president. However, seeing that's not possible I'm very happy to vote for the Obama/Biden ticket. Biden spoke intelligently about all of the topics that came up, but especially in regard to foreign policy. We spend more in Iraq in 3 weeks than the entire 6 and a half years we've been in Afghanistan. Here's where my big issue is, this is what drives me crazy about McCain: WE'RE NOT TRYING TO WIN IN IRAQ, WE'RE TRYING TO WIN THE WAR ON TERROR.

McCain keeps talking about how important it is to win in Iraq. He's to stubborn to see that we're not fighting the Iraqi people. We're fighting a constantly changing insurgency that has so far wreaked havoc on the actual civilians living in Iraq. Al Queada in Iraq is growing in response to our occupation of that country. They can easily travel to Iraq, not so easily to our homeland. Now we've created a situation where Al Queada, a prominently sunni organization is working in concert with Iran a staunchly Shia country. We're creating a terror nightmare b/c of this administrations refusal to seriously work out a timetable for withdrawal.

MCCAIN SEEMS TO THINK VICTORY IN IRAQ WILL GET HIM ELECTED. THE ONLY WITHDRAWAL HE TALKS ABOUT IS YEARS AWAY AND MUST BE ACCOMPLISHED HONORABLY. I THINK HE HAS A SEMANTICS PROBLEM. WHAT KIND OF VICTORY WILL IT BE AFTER LOSING THOUSANDS OF AMERICAN AND IRAQI LIVES AND STILL BEING DEEPLY ENTRENCHED IN A WAR ON TERROR.

Here's Obama's problem, he needs to start talking clearly to the American people about winning the war on terror. So far he talks eloquently about ending the war in Iraq, but not about winning. The American people want to win, let's start talking about what we really need to win: THE WAR ON TERROR. OBAMA NEEDS TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT BY LEAVING IRAQ WE WILL BE BETTER ABLE TO CONCENTRATE ON AFGHANISTAN AND ON WINNING THE WAR ON TERROR!

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WIN VOTE FOR THE OBAMA/BIDEN TICKET ON NOVEMBER 4TH.

I'm starting to feel like myself again

There are certain things you lose touch with when you have children, especially the first few months when everything is so new and delicate. With my first daughter I completely lost the ability to take a shower unless someone was there to hold her. It's not that serious this time around, but still you lose touch with some things. I'm getting back into the parts of me that will help me be stronger for my daughters. With L my first it was snow skiing and yoga nights out. Now with W my second its slalom water skiing. I got a new ski for christmas this year which I haven't been able to use all season b/c I was pregnant or recovering from my c-section. Today for the first and most exciting time I was able to get up on my new water ski. This is a big step in the right direction. I was able to lose my baby weight from L by water skiing last summer. I'm hoping I'll get a good start on dropping some serious pounds before we pull the boat. By the way the last ski day last year was Oct. 21st. So I'm counting on almost two more months of skiing. Skiing and Skiing it's all good.

I had two awesome experiences with my girls this week. First I took the three of us up to Babies r us to get some stuff with gift cards. Afterwards I went out to lunch with my two girls. This was a big thing for us. Willow was snuggled up next to me in her wrap and L was such a big girl. I told her she had to hold my hand and stay close b/c we would be in the parking lot and the restaurant and she did. She understood that I wouldn't be able to chase her and I needed her close by. She stood right by me and she snuggled next to me in the booth for lunch. She also did a great job eating her grilled cheese and letting me eat my corn chowder. We had a nice lunch together my girls and I. There were some melt downs once we got home, but it was a step in the right direction.

The other awesome thing was at bedtime. I was singing the usually lullabies while L nursed to sleep. I finished the first one and she looked up at me and said "Baby's Boat" That was the first time she ever told me to sing another one by name. It made me feel like she does appreciate her bed time routine even if sometimes it's the hardest part of the day.

The organizing is in my mind but on the back burner. It's time to turn up the heat!

I'd better start somewhere

This whole organizing thing is harder to do with two little ones running around. It's not an excuse to be a slob though. I have new mommy friends who host playgroups at their houses every week and everything always looks put together let's say. I know I'm out of my league here. However, I'd like to work up to a new level of put togetherness. Something managable without hired help.

So lucky me I have three things to do to complete the intro portion of my organizing work. First, create the dream board. I'll post a picture of that when it's done. Second, keep an organizing journal. You're lookin' at it. Third, and most important: ELIMINATE, CATAGORIZE AND ORGANIZE.

Getting my ducks in a row

I just got this great book out of the library that will change my life for the better. At least I'm optimistic about it now b/c I've only just read the introduction. "One Year to an Organized Life" by Regina Leeds. I'll chronicle my progress here to help keep me motivated. With two little ones under two getting organized is a monumental task. This fabulous book breaks it down into week by week chunks that take you through an entire year. I would love to be more organized at the end of a year and my husband wouldn't keep complaining every night about the mess. The clutter everywhere. Can't you just get rid of it, i'm going to get a dumpster and throw it all away. And the kids toys are the worst b/c how do you organize those? It's a free for all around here.

This project might kill two birds with one stone b/c my husband claims I don't have time for a blog. Well I need to journal and I can't write with little hands always stealing my pens and ripping my papers. So I can chronicle the insanity here and be able to get it out. But if the chronicle includes my progress towards getting more f***ing organized then my husband will be thrilled with my blog. He will think it's the best thing since frozen waffles.

Now all I need to do is get started. The first thing I need to do is create a dream board. I have a scrapbooking night coming up so I'll attempt to make progress on this here. I can imagine a dream board becoming the biggest explosion of mess since Mt. St. Helen's if I let little L get her hands on it. Maybe that would be fun though. We could make a creative collage together and start envisioning our dream house. I'll do the envisioning and she can do the tearing up of numerous magazine pages. The only problem is my husband already made me get rid of my collection of magazines that would be perfect for this project. That darn husband! Okay now I need to finish the introduction so I can get started on this project. I always wished someone would help me get organized. If this blog can help even one person out in blogland then I'll have fulfilled my destiny. Waste of time my heiny!

Out and About

We made it to playgroup yesterday. I have to start getting ready about an hour before we want to leave. The two year old (L) gets her clothes and shoes on. She wants to do it, so it takes quite a bit of chasing and encouragement. "Do it, Do it, Do it." It's hard for me to chase her around as i'm still recovering from my c-section of less than a month ago. I get her dressed and then she dumps out her toys all over the house while i get the baby (W) ready. Luckily babies aren't too hard to get ready. The only problem is we have a spitter, so i could put an outfit on and need to change it twice before we leave the house. Once everyone is dressed, oh i have to remember my clothes too, we start going to the car. This is the mountain we have to climb to get out of the house. We have a steep staircase going up to the road and i have to take the kids up in shifts to the car which is parked at the top. This is interesting, but it will definitely help me lose the baby weight. Once everyone is in the car i can relax and just drive. It's even better if no one is screaming then i could just drive all day, who cares about $4 dollars a gallon gas. If L is sleeping i can even listen to npr which is pretty much the extent of my news intake these days. However if L is not sleeping we listen to Music Together over and over and over again.

Then we get to playgroup, thank goodness for other mommies in the same boat. It is so helpful to have mommy friends who've either done it all ready or are doing it at the same time. Raising babies that is.

A chronicle to help maintain sanity

There are two kids under two in my house now and i'm taking care of them, or trying to. The vocabulary might be basic and the spelling pretty bad but this will be a tale of our days. Sometimes it feels like i'm living in captivity, but i just have to learn how to wrangle two small people out the door. This would include avoiding dangerous things like traffic and open water. I think we can manage. Tomorrow will be our first test. We are going to playgroup. I'd like to stop at the grocery store before we arrive to pick up a tasty pastry but how long will that take? Even if we do get to the store can i get both kids in and out without a major production? Probably not. . .We'll see.